My husband rolls his eyes whenever we talk about the Bachelor, and I talk about how pervasive the Bachelor mentality is, how destructive the Bachelor mindset is to our understanding of dating, love, marriage. But the thing is, it’s subtle, and that may make its destruction even more damaging.
He insists that it's scripted, produced, and performed even, and despite KNOWING that this is true, I always get caught up in the drama! We KNOW the “crazy” one has been hand-selected to drive views. We KNOW that life at the Bachelor house is not real life. We KNOW that alcohol flows so freely and abundantly, and always increases the volatility of the situation. We KNOW that a lot (most? all?) of what we see is a performance (how could it not be with cameras everywhere all the time?!).
And yet…
There is no denying that Bachelor Nation has infiltrated and informed 21st century dating. How could it not?! Over 21 years and 27 seasons, America has watched with rapt attention and bated breath as eligible singles from all over the country leave their lives, their jobs, their friends, their homes, to travel to Southern California, in the name of LOVE.
This season, the Bachelor is appealing to a different crowd, and for the first time, the Bachelor is a Golden Bachelor– age 72, who is looking for love after the death of his wife of 43 years. Gerry (pronounced Gary) has 20 women from all over the country, ranging in age from 60 to 75, flock to him in the name of LOVE. Widows, divorcees, retired, never married… Ready to find love.
I was so excited for this season! WOMEN, I thought, finally! Not 20-something girls who have little idea who they are, let alone what they want, but women who’ve lived full lives (at least in length if not also in depth), women who know a thing or two about how the world works, how love works, women with life experience, the kind that comes from time spent LIVING.
But when I cued up the TV on Thursday to watch the season premier, I was honestly shocked. And disappointed. The show played out EXACTLY as it usually does, except there were more wrinkles and grey hairs. (There was still plenty of Botox and hair dye too.) But the show lacked the depth I was hoping women who’d lived at least 60 years on earth would bring. (There were definitely some moving moments— Paula?! I mean, COME ON! Tears!)
I talked to a friend of mine who just turned 72, and she was upset! “Women my age don’t act like this!” she said several times during our conversation. The difference, I’m realizing as I write this, is that my friend knows who she is. She knows what she likes and doesn’t like, what she wants and doesn’t want, and she is unapologetic about who she is. Life has thrown her some major curveballs that might take out a lesser woman, but not my friend. She has persevered and overcome incredible obstacles in her life, and the behavior we saw on the Golden Bachelor premier absolutely does not reflect her or her generation.
Granted, it was only the first episode of the season, and will I be watching every single episode as they air?! YOU BETCHA.
I’ve made a list of 10 unhelpful narratives that the Bachelor Nation perpetuates, and throughout this season, we will explore how these insidious beliefs have infiltrated so much of the 21st Century’s dating experience. Stay tuned.
Have you watched the Golden Bachelor? Will you be tuning in? I’d love to hear your thoughts on all things Bachelor/Bachelorette!