In the last blog, I told you about all my failures to launch the baby business of mine (2006 romcom with Matthew McConaughey and Sarah Jessica Parker, anyone?). If you missed yesterday's email, you can read it here. [link to blog]
Looking back at all the missteps and mistakes I made in building and attempting to launch this business of mine, it feels PAINFULLY obvious now what the missing piece was.
The missing piece was JESUS!
I had never once given Him my business. I had never consulted Him before hitting the "pay" button on the courses I bought. I hadn't asked for wisdom when I was desperately hiring these coaches who I thought could help me finally launch, who I would allow to speak so deeply into my life and business. I was white-knuckling it on my own, swimming in a sea of frustration and fear, looking to ANYthing and ANYone but Jesus.
Ironically, from the very infant stages of my business, I knew I wanted to work with women, specifically Christian women who'd been fed a steady diet of Purity Culture and had perhaps kissed dating goodbye. Total-package women who were wondering what was wrong with them, what the holdup was on actually finding a date worth keeping. Women who had everything going for them EXCEPT that elusive partner to share their life with.
But somewhere along the way back in 2019, fear got the better of me, and I decided to simply omit Jesus. I wasn't sure that I wanted to say the things that were on my heart, because they were controversial and counter-cultural (at least in the Christian world) and who was I? I thought I was somehow selling myself short by having a faith-based business, eliminating potential clients by talking about my faith. (And honestly, I'd seen so many BAD faith-based businesses, with all the spiritual bypassing and Jesus-juking, and I wanted NOTHING to do with that, thankyouverymuch.)
Years later, as I agonized over whether or not to put Jesus in my business, feeling very convicted that I really needed to, one particular coach encouraged me not to mention Jesus, going as far to say that I would make more money if I didn't include Jesus. Not surprisingly, I continued to make ZERO DOLLARS in my business with ZERO Jesus.
We fail to launch in our dating lives for the same reasons! It can be so easy to get caught up in the swipe-swipe-swiping, conversations that seem to go nowhere and mostly mediocre dates. You quit the apps; you try new ones. You swear off dating. You decide you're ready to try again... lather, rinse, repeat, only to find yourself frustrated once again, resigning yourself to joining a convent or being the cool aunt, all because you forgot to include the Ultimate Matchmaker. I know this cycle intimately. I can't tell you the number of times I failed to launch in my own dating career.
One that is particularly painful to remember, I was on 9 dating apps (NINE!), living in Los Angeles, a suburbia of well over 10 MILLION people, meeting NO ONE. No matches, no dates, barely any messages. The last message I received (before I quit ALL the apps in one fell swoop) was from a very handsome, eligible bachelor who loved Jesus, who replied to my initial message that he had just gotten into a relationship with someone else and wanted to see where things would go. I wished him all the best, logged out of all the apps once and for all, and decided I needed to write a book about all this dating nonsense. (Thank the LORD that even when we don't actively include Him in our lives, He is still actively working on our behalf. I truly believe that it was Jesus keeping me from all the matches, forcing me to FINALLY quit the distractions and look to Him and what He was doing in my life.)
Including Jesus in your dating life also means exploring and connecting more deeply with who He created YOU to be, how He wired you, what makes you tick, and how much He LOVES you (among other things). And dating is an incredible vehicle for learning these things about yourself, even more-so when we include our Creator.
Next time, we're talking about the powerhouse combo of including our Creator and COMMUNITY when it comes to dating. You might just find you enjoy your dating season more than you ever thought possible.
What about you? How is Jesus a part of your dating season? Or are you like me, white-knuckling it all by yourself? Comment below, and let me know!